Colin vs. Lebensmittelgeschäft

Almost bi-weekly, I open my cupboards to reach for some food in a crazed state, searching frantically for some food, only to realize that I'm fresh out of the essentials (ie Kit-Kats and easily made pasta). It was that time of month again. The time of month, I must leave the cave that has become my room, and brave the harsh winter to the nearest corner market in search of delectable's and nic-nac's (If you don't know by now I use the words "nic-nac's" as often as possible).

Now, you might be ponitificating to yourself, thinking, "Colin, why on earth would write about something as simple as going to the market, people do that everyday?"
To that I say, nay, people don't always go to THIS market, and I assure you...it is not simple.
Please allow me to elaborate.
A few times a month I venture across the street to a market, specifically, The Netto, which is supposed to be a discount market, but who's to say really?

This is a surprisingly daunting task, for my ability to speak and read German is novice at best. This in-turn makes finding foods that I deem edible and cookable, increasingly difficult. Therefore, I am reduced to my most basic instincts...I look at the pictures on the box/bag to determine if it meets my criteria (Don't smirk at me, this is like an awful game of Pictionary, where, when you lose...you lose big).
I fear, that you don't quite understand the gravity of this situaiton.
An example of me "losing big" would be the tuna fish pizza debacle. Where I unknowingly grabbed an oven baked pizza, and upon examining the box closely (Pun not intended) determined that this sausage pizza would be delicious. Eager to eat my new-found prize, I hurried home and popped it in the oven, 20 minutes later, the smell not withstanding (my sniffer failed me on this one) I took a monsterous bite, and much to the dismay of my mouth/stomach, it was not sausage that garnished my pizza, rather it was tuna fish. Horrified, I rushed to bathroom to void my mouth of all remaining tastes, and in doing so I realized my failure. I was playing Grocery Store Pictionary like a cowboy, and I lost big.

[My trusty shopping bag]

With that humbling experience clear in my mind, I now enter the Netto only with my grocery bag, and a child-like sense of wonder.
However, some time has passed since that fateful day, and I've regained some of my confidence in my ability to adequetely pick tuna-free foods. So as of late, I have been cautiously going past my 10 item rotation, into the unknown (not really, this week I'm trying home made schnitzel and lental soup).

[The cursed tuna-fish pizza]

One thing, that I absolutely love about the Netto is, it's a one-stop shop for pretty much anything a human being can conceive. In random sections you will find items you would normally find at a video store, liquor store, or homeless man's garbage bag. They have it all, egg whites to ab rippers (those belts that vibrate and supposedly give you toned abs...not that I own one...stop judging me!). I'm fascinated, each and every time I step foot inside, for surprises lurk around every pile of tuna-fish pizza boxes you see.

Needless to say, I've won some, and lost some battles at the Netto, and I've learned a few things a long the way. Soon, I am confident that I will be able to shop without reservation, reading packages left and right, juggling fruits and vegetables, even recommending the best way to serve Jägerschnitzel.
...But until that day, please pray for me, because I have no idea what I'm doing.